World's Worst FanFic: The Next Insultation--Agenda continued...
By Triceratron
(If this script resembles any script used in the third season of Beast Wars, it is purely coincidental. It is based on rumor and heresay and is meant to be a parody based on the WWFF created by Picard42 and a few others on the #tfu IRC channel, however any resemblance to the WWFF storyline is also coincidental. Finally, this story is not meant in any way to be a continuation of a previous WWFF I wrote, so don't look for anything to say that it is one. You won't find it. Enjoy!!)
Scene: The temporal storm continues to rage outside the mountain as it begins expanding light years out into space. The ensuing chaos rips time to shreds and destroys reality.
Cheetor: Gee this is fun.
Quiet you! Anyway, Across the galaxy on a planet far away, there sits a complex that houses powerful energy beings. These at the moment have only been known to us as the "Aliens" that have been experimenting on earth. They watch the temporal paradox as it nears their sector.
Alien1: Ha ha ha ha! They have used their puny technology to rip a hole in time.
Alien2: You were right, I owe you a Coke.
Alien3: What must we do now, though? They have obviously done something that will destroy the universe if not stopped.
Alien1: We must do what we always do. We will use our powers to change what has happened so that time is not destroyed. Then we will go after those little pipsqueaks later in the season and show them who's boss!
All: A hahahahahah!
The temporal storm suddenly reverses and begins to suck backwards through space. It shrinks back into the mountain and as suddenly as it appeared it disappears.
Optimus: Well, that was strange. I would have expected more from a temporal paradox. Nothing's changed.
Optimus then looks at his hands. Then looks at the rest of his body.
Optimus: AAaaaagggghhhh!! What the slag happened!?
Camera pans out and we see Optimal Optimus for the first time.
Cheetor: Ultra gear! Can I borrow your body sometime?
Dinobot: It would appear that someone has stopped the time change before it could cause too much damage to the time stream. However things have changed slightly.
Cheetor: I'll say. You're alive, and a Transmetal.
Dinobot: Yes. And if you'll notice my rigid grille structure...
Camera pans out to show a ribcage-shaped structure over DB's chest.
Cheetor: Let's see...I like pie! I haven't changed.
Megatron suddenly appears from the Ark.
Megatron: Gahhh! I was sooo close!
A Transmetal ant appears out from behind Megatron.
Scavanger: Don't worry my queen. I shall use my amazing ability to eat rotting dead animals to defeat these Maximals!
Megatron: Ewwww....
Scavanger: Well, I am a scavanger aren't I?
Megatron: Nevermind that! I can still change the future!!
Megatron runs in and picks up Blackarachnia, still normal and lying on the floor and runs for the bridge. There we see Optimus Prime's head shifted to the left and a large hole in the seat behind it.
Megatron: I knew I should have taken target practice when I was in school.
Megatron slaps BA a few times with his tail weapon.
Megatron: Wake up you!
Blackarachnia: What? Are you still here grapeface?
Megatron: Yeeessss, yeeessss. Now, I want you to access Teletron...errr, Teletran 1 and awaken both Optimus Prime and Megatron, yesssss...
Blackarachnia: Why both?
Megatron: So I can have them fight it out. Megatron shall defeat Prime, with my help.
Blackarachnia: Wouldn't it just be easier to wake up Megatron so he can destroy Optimus while he's still in stasis?
Megatron: Are you questioning my orders?
Blackarachnia: Yes.
Megatron: Okay, just checking. Do it, yeeeessssss....
Blackarachnia: All right all ready.
BA shoots eye beams at Teletran 1's interface panel. Outside....
The Maximals pick Silverbolt up off the ground and shakes him around. He opens his eyes, sees Primal's face, gasps, and passes out again. They finally wake him up.
Optimus: How did they get in there?
Silverbolt: The golden disk contained the security codes for Teletran 1. According to what I heard, the Decepticons got it in part 2 of "More Than Meets The Eye" in the original series.
Optimus: Well that's just Prime. These retcons leave a bitter taste in my mouth.
Silverbolt: Hmmm....bitter...not a word I like the taste of.
Optimus: Silverbolt, go home. You're confined to quarters again and this time you will have to repair the damage you've done to the Axalon.
Silverbolt: Ohhhhh....
Cheetor: Hey Big Bot, aren't we going inside the Ark to stop them?
Optimus: Oh, almost forgot about that....
Suddenly the mountain shakes as two giant robots blast out of the Ark's hull, at each other's throats.
Megatron: Have any last words, Optimus Prime?
Optimus Prime: None I'd want little kids to hear!
BW Megatron (from the hole in the hull): You're too late, Primal! See what I've done now!
Optimus Primal: Ohhh, would you just look at what he's done now.
Megatron powers up his giant fusion cannon and fires it at Optimus's head, destroying it. A new head pops back out.
Prime: Do you know how much that stings??!
Prime whaps Megatron a good one, flinging him out of the mountain, halfway across the planet to the Predacon base. He then flings himself after Megatron.
BW Megatron: So that's how he survived. I didn't know he had a regenerating head.
Optimus: I have a regenerating head.
BW Megatron: Errr...not that kind.
The Predacons leave the mountain to follow the battlers. The Maximals follow close behind. Eight hours later (quick cut takes two seconds, though) Megatron lands near the Pred ship, Optimus follows and pounds on him. The Predacons show up, as do the Maximals. The original Megatron has got second wind and belts Prime all the way to the Axalon, where the
Maximals soon follow. Both sides get their respective counter parts to clam down.
Optimus: You aren't exactly acting like a great leader.
Prime: Well, I'm not exactly in a GREAT mood.
Rhinox: Calmness, please.
Rattrap: Great, the first line I get in this stupid episode and it isn't even important.
Prime: I have an idea on how to defeat the enemy.
Cheetor: Already? What?
Prime: I shall use the matrix!
Optimus: I don't think that's such a good idea. You need to save the matrix for later.
Prime: But I wanna use it now!
Optimus: Look, we are from your future. We know what is supposed to happen, so you should listen to us.
Prime looks over the tiny Maximals
Prime: Geeze, the future looks pretty poor right now.
Optimus: Oh well.
End Act 1
Act 2
A short distance from the wreckage of Ravage's ship, a cassette tape lies on the ground, singed and melted a little. It begins to shake around....
Cut to Waspinator's shoulder in Beast Mode. He has reassembled himself and is making his way back to the Predacon base. As he nears, he suddenly gets swatted by a giant hand and falls to the ground.
Waspinator (slightly flattened and smashed on the ground): Wazzzpinator needzzz to find job that better to hizzzz health.
Megatron: Ugh! Bugs.
BW Megatron: Hey watch it! That's one of my better troops.
Megatron: Your troops suck.
BW Megatron: That may be, your exellence, but I can only get what I've been given. In our time, the Autobots have forced us to become this size and rule us like slaves. And it's all your fault! Your bumbling made our ancestors lose the great war so that the Autobots were allowed to do this.
Megatron: Oh, I see now. So my plan to bring you back to help me win worked. I thank you, but have you thought that by changing the past would prevent your existance?
BW Megatron: I finally just got fed up and just did it. So sue me.
Megatron looks through his gun site and sees Rhinox. He begins taking pot shots from miles away. Rhinox begins to run back and forth trying to avoid being in the next giant hole that is being blown in the ground and finally jumps to the ground and covers his head. The next shot hits and he is flung to the ground in front of the Axalon.
Rhinox (in pain): Ohhhhh....
All the Maximals look at him for a moment. There is suddenly a lock and load sound from behind them. All turn to Ravage standing on top of the Axalon aiming weapons.
Ravage: Don't move. I don't know how you all survived, but I do know I can't let you live anymore.
Rattrap: Ravage? How?
Ravage: Allow me to explain. (flashback) I saw the fireball coming at me from the drive section of the ship. I transformed into cassette form to minimize the amount of exposed surface on my person and which shielded me with titanium steel armor plating. I was then forced against a window, which then broke from the intense heat and I was flung outside and fell to the ground. The rest you know.
Unknown to Ravage, Optimus Prime's gigantic form rises out from behind the Axalon and looks down at him.
Ravage: Now prepare to die, Maximals!
Optimus Prime's shadow appears over him. Ravage turns and gasps as he sees Prime's finger come at him and flicks him all the way back to the Predacon base, where he lands and puts a large dent in the hull.
Cheetor: Man, I've never seen so much flying back and forth in any other episode. Why is that?
Dinobot: Because it's fun of course.
Silverbolt appears from the entrance to the Axalon, upside down.
Silverbolt: The scanners are picking up two new stasis pods, down near the ocean.
Optimus: Have you finished spackeling the hull?
Silverbolt: Not yet.
Optimus: Then hurry up and finish. You can follow us when your done.
Silverbolt: Yay!
Optimus: Optimal Optimus, flight mode!
Optimus turns into a strange jet plane which all the non-flying Maximals jump on top of and ride. It suddenly picks up speed and almost loses a few Maximals.
Cheetor: Whoa, watch out Big Bot.
Cut to Predacon base. BW Megatron is now short on fliers and can only bring himself and whoever he can seat on his back, or hanging off his feet. He takes off slowly and has trouble flying. The other Megatron gets angry watching and finally throws BW Megatron in the direction he's going. Megatron lands face-down on a beach, and all the others land in the water.
Megatron: Megatron, Terrorize! Raaaawwwwrrr!
Blackarchnia sits in the water and Quickstrike pops up, spits water in her face.
Quickstrike: Well howdy!
BA knocks him back into the water. Scavanger laughs insanely at them both, then eats a dead fish.
Megatron walks forward and notices one stasis pod in the water. He wades out, then is attacked by a huge Transmetal Manta Ray.
Depth Charger: Haha! An enemy! Depth Charger, Maximize!
Megatron: Ahhh, a hero. Not for long.
Megatron charges weapon....
Depth Charger: A hero's only good as his weapon!
He splashes around in the water for a few moments, and finally pulls out a large trout. He points it at Megatron.
Megatron: Ohhh, a fish! Against a Transmetal!
Depth Charger: I am a Transmetal.
Megatron: But still--errr...
Depth Charger: Enough! (tries to lock and load fish, doesn't work) Awww, ta heck with it.
*Depth Charger slaps Megatron around a bit with a large trout.
He then reaches into the water and pulls out a small shark, locks and loads, and fires two missiles out of its mouth, blowing Megatron out of the water. He lands near the second stasis pod. A hideous Fuzor, half Lionfish, half Hornet pops out.
Megatron: Aggghhhh!!!
Injector (Austrailian accent): Helluva note to start a new partnership. Now would you like me to take care of this bloke for ya, mate?
Megatron: Errr, yessss...
Injector transforms into a hideous robot.
Depth Charger faints. The Maximals suddenly arrive.
Megatron: Predacons, retreat!
Injector: Alright mates, but next time I take care of the lot of ya! Beastial mode!
All Predacons flee. Optimal Optimus jet hovers to the ground and all the Maximals pile off.
Optimus: Optimal Optimus, Maximize.
Nothing happens.
Optimus: Arrrgghhh! Stupid marketing ploy! I'll get Hasbro for this! Alright, Optimal Optimus Optimize, *sigh*.
Transforms into a robot.
Cheetor: Looks like they got this one. (points to the pod on the beach).
Depth Charger: It looks like you guys need--a hero!
Optimus: Welcome aboard the Maximals. What can you do?
Depth Charger: Oh lots of stuff! Flight mode!
Transforms into a strange jet.
Depth Charger: And I just beat that one guy with my bare hands, and my fish!
All: FISH?!?
Depth Charger: Yeah, my little buddy. Wanna see it??
All turn away, slightly disgusted.
Optimus: No, that'll be fine. Let's go back to base.
End Act 2
Act 3
Megatron and his Predacons finally get back to the base, and the original Megatron stands there waiting for them.
Megatron: Well?
BW Megatron: We have one new Predacon. Meet Injector.
Injector: G'day mat--agh, would ya look at that bloke! He's bigger than my ego!
Megatron: Ugh. He's ugly too.
Injector: I ain't ugly. I'm beauuutiful. That's how I made that Maximal pass out, isn't it? I dazzled him.
BW Megatron: Errrr, yeesssss...you did didn't you?
Ravage walks out of the base with Waspinator
Ravage: Covert agent Ravage reporting for duty.
Megatron: I see you two had good CR sessions.
Waspinator: Yezzzz, Wazzzpinator like CR tank now...I feel all tinglly.
Megatron: Good, for we must now take the battle to them!
Back at the Axalon....
Optimus: So you see we have to get the both of you back in the Ark and wipe your memories so that the timestream can return to normal.
Prime: Yes, I.....see.... Megatron definitely won't go on his own. My path is clear now.
Depth Charger: So, what are we gonna have to do?
Rattrap: Simply put, we're gonna hafta hang a beatin on Meggie's skidplate.
Depth Charger: Ahhhh....
Ground shakes. They all look as Megatron and all the Predacons near the Axalon.
Optimus: There sure are a lot of words that end in "-on" today.
Shut up you. Optimus Prime comes forward as all Predacons attack the Maximals.
Japanese tourists (words out of synch): Look! Godzilla! Someone must save us all! (Take pictures)
Rhinox: Arrrgh, someone get them out of here.
The two giant robots come together and begin punching each other. Optimus knocks Megatron to the ground. Megatron points his gun at Optimus's leg but misses, hitting Dinobot.
Optimus: Nooooo!!!
Dinobot (Dying): Tell my tale to those who ask. Tell it *cough* oh slag! My rigid grille structure! I can't feel my rigid grille structure anymore!(Dies).
Optimus: Oh my Primus! You killed Dinobot, you bastards!
Megatron is back up and punches Optimus Prime in his face. Optimus falls back, landing on the Axalon, crushing it.
Cheetor: My quarters!
Silverbolt: I didn't do it so I ain't fixing it.
BW Megatron: I wish Rampage were here.
Rampage's spark (inside storage space): But I am!
BW Megatron: Shut up you! I need your body.
Rampage's spark: Oh, it's always about my body isn't it! You always want my body! My body this, my body that, without any respect for what I want! You really can't expect for me to sit here, inside of you---
Megatron sighs as the spark rambles on and on and on...
Ravage: I wish Tarantulus were here.
Blackarachnia (In Tarantulus's voice): But I am here, hahahaha! All I need is my body back. I left a back up copy in here.
Injector (to BA): Hey babe, you're kind of cute. Wanna find out what I can Inject?
Blackarachnia (Tarantulus's mind has gone insane and went unconscious): Errr, no...you see...I'm a...LESBIAN yeah! That's it...
Injector: I thought I heard Megs give you a talking to about that Maximal canine.
Blackarachnia: Uhhh...that's a female..
Injector: Ahh a bitc--
Blackarachnia: Don't say it!
She walks away.
Injector: Ahh well, easy come easy go. (Holds a mirror in front of his face) At least I still have you, you beautiful thing. (Kisses the mirror).
Megatron is punched by Optimus Prime again and flies all the way back to the Predacon base, landing on top of it and smashing it. Optimus flies after him and grabs his throat, bashing his head repeatedly into the Pred base until he is unconscious.
Prime: Looks like I'm done here. I can erase his memory back at the Ark.
BW Megatron sees defeat and returns to the base, just as Prime leaves carrying Megatron by the back of his neck. The Maximals follow behind Prime on board Optimus's jet mode.
Another eight hours (cut takes 2 seconds) later...
Prime rebuilds the Ark's wall after he wipes Megatron's mind and puts him back in stasis lock.
Prime: I hope this experience hasn't left you sour towards the Autobots.
Silverbolt: Sour....not a word I like the taste of.
Rattrap: Awwww, man, this was probably the worst episode in existance.
Optimus: Well, I can name worse.
Rattrap: I mean I only got two or three lines to say.
Optimus: Oh, in that case, SHUT UP Rattrap!
Cheetor: One thing I'm sure we've all wanted to know, Optimus Prime, if I may ask, is what exactly is the nature of the matrix?
Optimus: I always thought it was a dimensional gateway.
Rhinox: No! It's a storage space for all knowledge anyone has ever found.
Rattrap: You're both wrong. It's Primus's lifeforce stored to make new Cybertronian life.
Prime: I can answer all your questions. The Matrix is the most powerful force in the galaxy. It can create life and connects to a dimension where sparks go when they go off line. It is...
Cheetor: Yes....yes! What is it?!?!
Prime: It is...pie.
All: Oooooooo....
Cheetor: I knew it! I said I liked pie!
The Maximals use Teletran 1 to put Prime back in stasis lock and wipe his memory of the entire event. They then seal the Ark and block off the mountain.
Cheetor: How do you know that Megatron won't try to change the future again?
Optimus: Oh, I think he's had enough time problems lately.
Back at the Pred base...
Megatron: If I ever mess around with time like that again, somebody shoot me! That was one of the most humiliating experiences I've ever had!
Injector: Awww, I thought it was kinda fun mate.
Suddenly, the lava below them churns as something begins to appear. Terrorsaur, now a Transmetal, pops out.
Terrorsaur: I'm back!!
Megatron: Yeeeessss... Where's Scorponok?
Terrorsaur: Oh it was so sad...He was hurt badly...he was suffering...I had no other choice but to--smash his head in.
Megatron frowns...
Megatron: I'm not sure what to think about that.
Terrorsaur: Ok, then, when can I get to work?
Megatron: Later. The episode is over. We do need someone to help repair the base. There isn't much of it left after that battle.
Terrorsaur: Oh, slag.
Slag: What?
The End